sail off into the sunset

I have been thinking about the quest for a partner. In my 20's and early 30's I was a very needy person; always wanting to be reassured that I existed and was worthy of love (or plain old lust). I had very low self esteem and was unaware I could actually just say 'no'. No to casual sex, no to drugs and alcohol, no to date rape, no to beggars and - well, you get the picture. I lived in one room for many years, having been briefly homeless I didn't want to lose everything so I was 'nesting' in a way. I had small heart breaks and crises of the soul on a regular basis, and probably through my own ignorance I hurt people too. I had one massive broken heart episode that made me think I would be better off alone, then a rekindled relationship ended abruptly when he topped himself on Boxing day (waiting for me to be conveniently away), thus reinforcing the belief that I was meant to be alone. Out of the blue, and not long after I took the decision to stop looking, a friend of a friend appeared in my life. Absolutely the opposite of all previous partners so naturally I spurned even the thought; but it soon became apparent to both of us that something really was different. I fought it all the way, really I did; he is 7 years younger, Northern to my Southern, and at that time he had the long blonde locks of a Timotei girl (I usually went for tall, dark and psychotic). We lived hundreds of miles apart blah blah - but we  just worked as a couple. It was like being a salmon and swimming against a current all your life, and suddenly plopping into a calm pool. But. If he hadn't met me, we would never have been in a near fatal car accident; he wouldn't have been in a wheelchair/not walking for 18 months.  In pain the rest of his life, never the same again. But, we would never have left England and moved abroad, and he would never have written so many songs. What am I trying to say? Have hope, you who long for a life partner to share the good stuff. Because what you need is someone to share the shit stuff with. The past that you are ashamed of and which they accept. The scary shit, the ugly stuff and the pure honest helping them on and off the commode type stuff. Stop asking if you are 'good enough' to be loved; you are. It just takes someone special to see that. Most of all, it takes you to see that. If that sounds patronising I am sorry, it's a cliche that is possibly true.