today

today had an unexpected bonus re the weather; it started so grey and cold, but by the time I staggered home (running late as ever) I was regretting the extra layer between my coat and my cardi. Shame I then had barely five minutes to stuff some grapes and strawberries down my neck before heading next door for an English lesson. In reality this was 1.5 hours of gossip, and 35 minutes of actual lesson. So no sitting in the sunshine for me, as I then had to stuff over 100 folders into over 100 newspapers for spawn to deliver, followed by throwing a bolognese sauce together from scratch. At 5.20pm I have just sat down for the first time today, but I wanted to mull over something that happened. Outside the supermarket was a man, walking in the cycle lane. Young, pretty obviously down and out, and missing a leg. I know he was deliberately walking in the cycle lane, because  a cycling Politie man asked him to walk on the pavement as it was safer. His false leg was a roughly hewn stump of plank, not attached to his leg, but he had two lengths of cloth holding it on, which he had in his hand like a sling. It looked like the most painful and awkward method he could have come up with, so my interest was piqued. Why go to such lengths to make a point? As anyone will tell you, normally any beggar or 'character' makes a beeline for me, so I waited to see if he would, because for once I actually wanted to hear his tale; plus I thought I would offer him a fresh pear, just purchased. But he didn't stay on course, he had spotted the guys in fluoro jackets who are doing community service, and went for them instead. He had a piece of paper in his hand, so maybe he was looking for a hostel. So I am going to keep an eye out for him; which reminds me I haven't seen my 'regular' guy in a while. He must have once been pretty smart and cool, lived in Stockholm for 9 years and is fluent in Swedish, not ugly by any means. But lately more and more damaged looking and sounding, slipping through the cracks. I can kid myself I help when I give him money 'for the night shelter' or even when I buy him a hot drink and snack, and talk for ten minutes; but it's not really making a difference is it? Hastening his end if anything.
I can't help but think how easy it is to slip slide away.